The Legend of Spyro: Dawn of Stupidity
by awesome736
Summary: Ever wonder what it would be like in DOD if there was "Common sense" and "humor"? WELL WONDER NO MORE! THIS FANFIC WILL END ALL YOUR WONDERS!
1. Oh The Horror of Barbie!

**HIYA GUUUUUYS! How've you been? Terribly sorry for my inactivity. But… YOUR RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.**

**Melody: Why must you say that?**

**Me: SHUT UP AND DO THE DISCLAIMER, SWINE!**

**Melody: *facepalm* Awesome736 claims no characters whatsoever as her own. Spyro, Cynder, Hunter, and pretty much everyone else belong to SIERRA.**

A hawk swiftly glided over the horizon, screeching its song of beauty. It glanced down upon the hills and mountains that it's wings gently scanned over, its image of beauty a mark of pride for the fearless bird.

"_In the darkest of times, there is-"_

"**SCREECH!"**

"… _Ahem… In the dark-_

"**SCREEEECH!"**

"… _In the-"_

"**SCREE-"**

Suddenly a fireball shot out of nowhere, frying the poor bird to a crisp.

"_**SHUT UP! GOD, I hate Mondays… Well since the Author is too lazy to remember what I'm supposed to say, I'll just skip to the main part."**_

A dragon paw shot out and ripped off the picture of the horizon, therefore making the next scene appear.

Inside, some random, ugly, fatso creatures carrying what looked like the Ark of the Covenant around like they stole it in the dead of night or something.

Their leader, some weirdo fool monster man that looked like he had been hit by a bus, thrown up on, tossed in the oven, and taken out to lead some other monsters, (And that's basically the story of how he was created) who also had very bad anger issues, took a machine gun and shot down one of the soldiers down.

"DIEYOUDRAGONSCU- oh it's just Bob. Uh, STEVEN! Toss his body off the nearest cliff. BENNY! You take Bob's position."

After all _that _nonsense occurred, they soon arrived in a large, dark, horrifying…

Barbie Malibu Beachouse?

_I'm a Barbie girl,_

_In a Barbie world,_

_Life is plastic,_

_It's fantastic!_

One of the soldier's eyes melted. "MY EEEEEYEEEESS!" He screeched, collapsing on the ground and hyperventilating.

_You can brush my hair, or dress me anywhere!_

_Imagination, life is your creation!_

"NOOO!" The leader yelled. "I DESPISE IMAGINATION! I FEEL SO ANGRY!"

The angered leader threw a golf club at the radio playing the song, immediately smashing it to pieces. When the smoke cleared up, it revealed an orange crystal containing a sexy dragoness, and a weird yellow and purple… Thing.

"What's this?" The leader asked. "MALEFOR SENT US 1,000,000 MILES AWAY JUST TO DISCOVER SOME CRYSTAL WITH SOME RANDOM WEIRDOS INSIDE? I'M SO ANGRY! I MUST SMASH SOMETHING!"

He decided to take all his anger out on that particular crystal. But, as soon as he hit it, it exploded. The leader was thrown back.

One of his soldiers, a chat speaking n00b, yelled, "LOL GUYZ! L00k t dmirl tim! Lik3, OMG, h3 l00ks s0 w3ak!"

Not hearing this, the Admiral stood up. Tears welled up in his eyes.

"I… Don't… FEEL ANGRY! I'M SO JOYFUL!"

"Sir?"

"WE MUST THROW A HUGE PARTY!"

"Sir?"

"AND THERE'LL BE CAKE AND ICE CREAM AND WAFERS AN-"

"SIR! Shouldn't we chain up the dragons?"

"Oh yeah, right. Steve! Open the chest and get those chains on them!"

As soon as 'Steve' saw what was inside the chest, he screamed like a little girl, clinging onto the nearest Barbie chair. "SNAKES! I HATE SNAKES! AND THEY ATE OUR CHAINSM, THOSE MONSTERS!"

The admiral cursed about hating Mondays again, then grabbed the snakes, and finally latched them around the dragons' necks. It was instantly some weird chain thing made of barf magic.

"Latch them to the beach chairs. They'll be awake soon. We can't let them awake before we have a barbecue!"

**Never, ever ask me why the heck I** **did this. Now, a poem:**

**Roses are red,**

**Violets are blue,**

**Review now,**

**Or else I WILL KILL YOU!**


	2. Barf Magic and Barbies

**I was very bored. SO I AM writing the next chapter to Dawn of Stupidity.**

**Hope you like.**

"HEY, STUPID! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!"

"Heh… And I want extra… mustard on my… Hamburger…"

_**SLAP!**_

Spyro was woken up by someone slapping him across the face. He woke up immediately.

A black dragoness was the source of the pain. "QUIT YO JIBBER JABBER FOOL, GET THE HECK UP!"

Spyro began to cry. "CYNDEEEEER, THAT REALLY HUUUUURT !"

Cynder slapped him again. "GET YOUR PINK BUTT OFF THE FLOOR!"

"Whyyyy?"

"WE'RE OVER A FLIPPIN GRILL!"

Almost on cue, a huge blaze of fire surrounded the duo. Spyro wailed like a banshee.

"I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIIIIIE!" he sobbed, flailing his arms.

"Me too. SO LONG, SPYRO!" Cynder began to take off, but she was yanked back with a rope of barf magic. "Oh… COME ON!"

Suddenly, grublins popped from the ground. "OH NO," one yelled. "IT'S THE PROTOGONISTS! RUUUUN!" So they ran away.

"What just…?" Suddenly, something rose up from the grill. It was a terrible, horrible, hideous, enormous….

BARBIE DOLL! Wait what?

"GRRR!" The terrifying doll yelled. "HOW DARE YOU TRESPASS INTO MY MALIBU BEACHOUSE?"

Spyro sweatdropped. "Uh, well…"

"SILENCE, KNAVE!" Barbie screeched. "YOU ARE DOOMED FOREVER TO BE WITH ME AND TRY ON CLOTHES IN MY WARDROBE!"

"… OH HECK NO!" Cynder screeched. "THAT'S IT, WE'RE OUTTA HERE!"

Cynder grabbed Spyro and flew into a hole in the wall.

"Gee, Cynder!" Spyro said. "I didn't know you could do that! Are you a mouse or something?"

"Spyro, SHUT IT."

Barbie scowled. "THIS IS NOT THE END! YOU WILL SOON BE MY PERSONAL MANICANS FOR MY FASHION DESIGNER BARBIE LINE!"

**That's it. Short. But hilarious nonetheless. GO RIDE A DERPICORN.**


	3. Sexy Hunter is Sexy

_**SHOUTOUTS**_

**WTF1****- People with "sane minds" are lifeless dolls roaming the planet looking for souls to suck the creativity from. So don't suck mine, soul sucker. :3**

… **I suppose that's it for now.**

"And you were like 'SPYRO, NO! GET UP! WE DON'T GO WITHOUT YOU!'"

Cynder groaned. The WHOLE time, Spyro had been jabbering on about what he last remembered, which was practically the story of his life. When the heck was Sparx going to show up to actually start the plot!

"… And then I was like, 'Get close to me, NOW!' and when you did the whole room started to glow, and before we became a crystal I touched your-"

Cynder shut his mouth. "SPYRO," she growled. "I won't hesitate to rip your lips off if you do not SHUT THE HECK UP."

Spyro just nodded cheerily, while a mosquito buzzed around Cynder's eyes.

"DARN MOSQUITOS!" Cynder screeched, magically pulling out a fly swatter and smacking it down into the floor. Then she stepped on it, barfed poison onto it, took a leak on it, pulled out a flamethrower and used it on it, and had Spyro poke it.

Suddenly, the mosquito mumbled, "Heeeey, man, why can't we all just feel da looove….?"

Spyro and Cynder looked at the bug VEEEEEEERY carefully, and saw that it was not a mosquito, but a dragonfly.

"SPARX!" Spyro yelled, grabbing the crap-covered bug and huggling it. "OMGITHOUGHTI''…"

Cynder slapped Spyro across the face again. Suddenly, a sexy cheetah man emerged from the shadows.

He had on a sexy explorer's uniform and sunglasses. "Hey, dragons," he said in his sexy voice. "I'm a sexy cheetah named Hunter, and Ignitus sent me here in my glorious sexiness to find a pink guy and a sexy dragoness, and he's paying me EXTRA because I'm so sexy."

Cynder stared for a second. "Um… Hi?" She said. Suddenly, she felt a tremor in the ground. She turned to Spyro. "Hey shouldn't we be leaving before that thing finds us?"

"I agree in my sexy voice!" Said Hunter, who had suddenly changed clothes, and was now in a sexy biker's uniform."

"Woah," said Cynder. "How'd you change so fast?"

"This sexy man has no clue what you're talking about!" Hunter said. "Now, let's sexily run so I can teach you to sexily fly and influence my sexiness!"

And the team was off.

They were all just walking, when suddenly, something struck Spyro and Cynder from the belly, shoving them upward and smashing them on something from above.

"OW!" Cynder screeched. "IT'S TOO EARLY FOR THE FIRST ENEMY!"

Hunter, who had suddenly changed into a Tron Legacy outfit, replied, "It looks like a TOTALLY UNSEXY info box."

"Info box?"

"Yeah, it teaches you how to sexily fly and glide. Like THIS!" Hunter suddenly took a flying leap, and "I Believe I Can Fly" started playing in the background. But his claw brushed a platform, and the platform grew eyes and stared at Hunter.

"WHY CAN'T I BE AS SEXY AS HIM?" it sobbed, and suddenly melted away, where it would soon become a fabric for the Barbie Fashion Designer Line Mattel was in the process of creating.

"Uh, ok," Spyro said, who was still smashed up against the screen with Cynder. "Does it go away?"

"Does what?" said Hunter, who was NOW dressed as a gnome.

"The info box."

"Oh, it goes away as soon as the player presses 'A'."

"Oh ok."

They waited for about an hour, until Cynder said, "Is this some sort of horrible glitch?"

"Nope," said Hunter, who had changed from a gnome to a scuba diver to a basketball player to a ballerina. "Looks like the player is AFG."

"AFG?"

"Away From Game. It could take a couple of days as far as I know."

"CAN'T YOU GET US OUT?"

"Sorry, I'm just here to save you from Barbie. I'm really not supposed to get involved."

Cynder began swearing hysterically at Hunter while Spyro got himself a pet maggot.


	4. What time is it? BARBIE TIIIME :D

"Cynder, I'm tired, and I'm hungry, and my feet hurt, and I have to go to the bathroom!"

"Shut up and keep moving."

"Okay!"

The band of four had travelled far through the caverns after being released from the info-box. There, they had sexily climbed up mossy rocks, smashed ancient artifacts for something Hunter called "totally sexy points that help you unlock new moves," and not to mention smashed priceless crystals for "totally sexy health, energy, and sexy experience points."

Hunter, who was in a Naruto cosplay, was casually waiting for Cynder and Spyro up at the cavern's exit with Sparx. Cynder and Spyro were struggling to climb some moss up to their crew.

"Hunter!" Cynder screeched. "Why can't we just fly up there?!"

"Because," said Hunter, who was cosplaying as a doctor, "there aren't any sexy air drafts to assist you in coming up here."

"This is a game, genius! There are no air drafts! And why do you keep dressing up!?"

"Cynder! I think I'm about to barf carrots! Maggie and I don't want to barf carrots!" Spyro whined, caressing his maggot.

"You don't even eat carrots, Spyro! And get rid of that maggot, for Pete's sake!" Cynder gave Spyro's paw a hard smack, and 'Maggie' the maggot plummeted to the ground below, where she was caught by an air draft, rescued, and proceeded to get married and start a family. But that's another story.

Spyro screamed, "MAGGIE! CYNDER YOU KILLED HER OMG WHAT SHALL WE DO ASDRESKFDKXNCVA!"

Spyro proceeded to have a gasm and plummeted down towards the ground before the rope of Barf magic caught him. Unfortunately, Cynder had to heave a lifeless Spyro up towards the platform along with her own body.

THEN, SUDDENLY, WHEN THEY WERE ALMOST THERE, BARBIE POPPED OUT OF FRIGGIN' NOWHERE OMGYAOIYAOIGASMGASMASDFGBHF!1!11111111111!one!eleven!111!

"OH GOD, WHY!" Cynder screeched before getting slapped by Barbie and falling downwards before landing on another platform.

"I WILL MAKE YOU ALL MODELS FOR MY FASHION-DESIGNER AND MALIBU BEACH BARBIE LIIIIINNNNNEEESSSS!" Barbie yelled.

"OH NO," Hunter screeched, taking out his bow-and-invisible-arrow. "DON'T WORRY! I'LL SHOOT MY INVISIBLE ARROWS AT THAT UNSEXY-GIRL! IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!

Cynder swore hysterically. "CAN'T YOU SHOOT REAL ARROWS, YOU BUM?!"

"NOPE! REMEMBER, I'M _NOT_ SUPPOSED TO GET INVOLVED!

"Cynder!" Spyro yelled. "Watch out!"

The dragons dodged just in time before Barbie's fist connected with the wall behind them and water suddenly sprang from the nooks and crannies.

Barbie was suddenly sprayed by some water. "OH NOES!" She screeched, sinking down into the floor or wherever she came from. "YOU KNOW WATER IS MY ONE WEAKNESS! OH GAWD MY MAKEUP IS RUINED!11!11111! SO IS MY HAIR!one!11111 YOU WILL ALL RUE THIS DAY! SAJKDHGFJKGHF CURSEEEEEESSSSSS!111111!one!111!eleven!111111!1one-hundred eleven!"

And Barbie was gone!

Cynder stared for a moment. "What just happened?"

"Don't know, don't care," Hunter said, outstretching is arm and bringing the two dragons to the exit. "COME ON! MY SEXY HAWK IS WAITING TO SEND A MESSAGE TO IGNITUS!"

"Oh no," Spyro groaned. "That old guy? He's like Zuko! He's all obsessed with **DESTINY**!"

Once the group exited, they found themselves upon a mountain where there was a giant river thing and a ton of cliffs.

Hunter, now dressed as Tinkerbell, grabbed a sleeping hawk on a rock and exclaimed, "LOL the narrator just rhymed! NOW GO TELL IGNITUS I'VE FOUND HIS LESS-SEXY STUDEEENNNNTTTZZZ!"

And with that, he threw the hawk towards the sky and off one of the cliffs. But, what he did not realize is that the hawk was not a hawk, but a penguin who was plummeting to almost-certain death (until the penguin would be caught by butterflies and be raised as such until a movie was made about him).

"OKAY, GUISE, LEZ GOOOOOOOO!"

Hunter leaped on top of Cynder, who collapsed under the weight, and yelled, "FLY, MY FAITHFUL STEED, FLY!"

Cynder groaned, "Just kill me now," while Spyro took the lead. What wonders were they in for now?!


End file.
